Hello everyone. My name is Catrese, Cat for short. I've always been a curious person. My mother always used to say curiosity killed the cat. I wasn't curious enough. Seriously, I used to always get into stuff when everybody was asleep. I was up doing a personal science project. I wanted to see if I could take a dump in an eight oz. cup without a drop getting in the toilet. Don't look at me like that...I was successful, but I see why it belongs in water... to drown that smell out. Anyway, it really stank, so I sprayed my mom's new perfume. My mother is like a bloodhound when it comes to her perfumes. She yelled from the other side of the house, "I hope your eyeballs fall out"! How did she know I sprayed it in my eyes? I was dying, rolling on the floor. I got up and looked in the mirror and sure enough my eyeballs were bulging out of my head...give me a break, kids exaggerate. Then she yelled, " And don't put that stank cup back in the sink, throw it away"!
She had eyes in more places than just the front of her head. We were driving down the road. I'm in the backseat as a kid, doing what kids do...being a perfect little angel...tearing stuff up. I was sucking on a gigantic jaw breaker…remember those? Wouldn’t you know, ma went over a pothole, and I swallowed it. I was doing the universal sign for choking thing…the one that requires you to look ugly. I put my hands around my neck, stuck out my tongue… Ma looked at me in the rearview and yelled, “What’s wrong with you”? I just kept my hands round my throat looking the ugliest I could…even started turning blue. She slammed on breaks hard as hell and I thought I would die…jaw breaker flew right out and hit her in one of the eyes …in the back of her head. Ma always said curiosity killed the cat and I came up with a different saying when I had a kid of my own.
I named my kid, Marie ‘Always Doing Something’ Medley. Why…because she was always doing something! I had just got some schoolbooks in the mail. I told her not to touch them. While I was taking my nice hot shower, I heard her doing what kids do…tearing everything up. I get out and she came up to me with a bowl of tiny pieces of paper…talking about, “I made you something to eat”. I looked at my books and I could see the missing pages. I was so angry at that little girl…I said, "go get me some barbeque sauce and a fork…I paid too damn much for these books!"
So, you know when you have kids, there is no time for dating. Always Doing Something never let me do anything. She was my little bodyguard. I was at this little get together and this alright looking guy was trying to flirt. I could see the ring imprint on his left hand. He saw me looking and said, “We’re separated”. Always Doing Something wedged herself right in the middle of us and said, “Duh, you’re over there and she’s over here…This my mama.”